Being in the Awkward, Longing for the Slowness, Conversation with Susan Raffo

When I invited Susan to be a guest on this newly sprouting podcast. I said the subject of the episode would be about "Choice," exploring layers around "sovereignty, ability to modulate connection, discernment, just right amount, literacy around tracking the felt sense, dissociation especially from low body, impact and relationship betrayal, consent." I think that many of the themes from this original intention did find their way into this podcast, but sideways, implicitly in the relational space between us. So much of this conversation was about us trying to find the rhythm, to navigate the messy awkward terrain of being two people meeting each other as elder/student/peer/community/stranger. One interesting thread to track is the way we modulate through different kinds of relationality, from more left brain factual narratives towards a space of ceremony and slowing down together.  Another layer that Susan and I navigated during the conversation was the difference between communication and expression. We come from different cultural contexts—Susan more from movement and healing justice culture, me more from animist ritual and creative process—and so there were a lot of places where I think we missed each other in terms of comprehension. But in some ways that was ok because allowing ourselves to explore being "incomprehensible" was part of what later opened up that space of richness for ceremony.   Re-watching this conversation, a lot of my self talk has been retrospectivly wishing that I had been more intentional around preparing questions and having more of a guiding thread to carry through the conversation. My intuition was to just go with what showed up and trust that what needed to be in the field between us would emerge. It has taken me a while to have some spaciousness around the layers of vulnerability and longing that came up in the call for me and feel able to share it with people. The call was originally two hours and I have edited it down to under 90 minutes, cutting some parts that feel too personal for public sharing right now. I think I was longing for that dropping into ceremony the whole time, but I've never known how to ask for it until the navigation between us revealed that as an option.   You can see the video version of the podcast at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bYaSfb0CRM and learn more about the project at www.earthpoetedgeweaver.com.   Blessings on you and the mycelial webbing of your relationships.